My sister-in law’s grandfather died today. He was suffering from the cancer of the food pipe. Sister-in law told me that it had become very difficult for him to eat or drink in last days of his life. Everything was given through a pipe inserted in his throat. I had met him once and he had asked abouthgh supplement, and I told him that I have never heard of it. He seemed quite straight forward man who didn’t mince words. Sister-in law is very depressed as she was very close to him.
So the baby is due in October, and I would be flying back to India this month. We will have to send birth announcements to all our relatives and friends. But that will be later, after baby’s birth. Right now I have so many apprehensions regarding going back. I will have to join the college the day my plane touches the Indian soil. I won’t have time to get enough sleep or rest and I will be straight in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the college. But college is least of my worries. I am more concerened about my stay at my in-laws. I am never comfortable with getting food or anything to eat for myself when I am there. Actually I am afraid of doing or buying anything for myself or my daughter. Its a constant pressure and stress living in that prison of a house. I am expected to take care of every other family member except myself and my daughter. I don’t how I am going to live through the month that I have to spend there.
I am really bad in dealing with money. I can’t keep track of my earnings and spendings. If someone takes 500 bill from my purse, I won’t be able to tell. I always keep enough cash in my purse to tackle an emergency. I am not the one to take risks in life. And fifteen years before, I was this carefree girl who couldn’t worry for future or if the sky was falling.
Any ways lets be on the track. I want to examine some tough issues today. Well where money and in-laws come, it becomes a tough issue, right?
Before you rush to any conclusion, let me tell you that I am not talking about my husband lavishing his savings on his family. I am talking about a daughter-in law giving money to her in-laws.
My mother gave all her salary every month to my grand father. She then had to ask for money for conveyance. No pocket money or extra something was given. And she was the one who earned that money! She had to deny herself little pleasures like gardening. She is fond of Flowering trees, but never got a chance to start her own garden till my grandparents lived.
That was thirty years ago.
Things have changed now. A working daughter-in law keeps her salary to herself and may contribute in the household expenses the way she wants. She controls her money. This is the scenario in most of the families I know, where the daughter-in law is working.
I on the other hand, give half of my salary to my-in laws. Its not mandatory. They have never asked me to give them money. But then its an unwritten rule, not to be spelt in families like us.
The funny thing is that neither my mother-in law nor father-in law give or send money to his ( father-in law’s) parents.The grand parents live in village. My in-laws occasionally send something that they don’t want at their home, or take fruits while visiting them. But to be fair, my father in-law do care about them. He had taken good care of him when he was sick for a long time.
There have been two instances when my in-laws needed money, but they didn’t have that amount and my husband couldn’t transfer money because GBP’s value had gone down drastically. First time, I gave my father-in law more than the amount they needed ( That’s when I had already given the usual share of my salary). The second time when my mother-in law and father-in law started talking about not having money in their bank accounts and bill needed to be paid, I kept mum. I didn’t offer them money this time.
Then I felt guilty for a long time. Should I feel guilty or should I be proud of my self that I take such good care of the financial needs of my in-laws? I don’t know. All I want is that I be allowed to live in peace.
I want a watch. Not for myself, I have forgotten to wear watches since I got my first cell phone. This watch that I am looking for, is for the sister-in law of one of hubby’s friends. You may ask, why to bother buying a present for her, it should be the friend’s concern. You see, this lady in question helped us a lot. She got transferred from a far away city to the college near to our house, and every time I wanted without pay leave to visit my husband here, she was the one who forwarded the application. She has never met me or my husband. She did these favors because my husband is a friend of her brother-in law.
So you can understand that a gift for her is rightly due. May be one of theTW Steel watches is a good choice. I have to hurry scouring as time is running out.
Recently I wrote a post about ideal daughter-in law. I have to admit that I have not been able to follow the steps which I recommend for being an ideal daughter-in law.
Today my father-in law wanted me to visit my uncle’s house. I got ready and then I found out that my sister-in law is also coming with us. I suggested that he take her to another relative after she has spent some time at my uncle’s place. O my god, all hell broke out. My mother-in law started screaming like a witch. She was accusing me in unprintable terms of things that I don’t know I ever did or even thought.
All I had wanted was a quite time with my uncle and his family whom I hadn’t met since I returned from abroad. I never ask to meet them, never go to their place and call them rarely. All in this in an effort to please my inlaws. So that they don’t get the idea that I like to spend more time with my maternal family and relatives than tending to my responsibilities here.
I don’t even speak much to my mother also. My father in law keeps a sharp eye on the phone bill. He takes remand of those who he feels are using the phone blatantly. I have asked my mother to phone me instead of me calling her. Or I use my cell phone when I am in the college. But I NEVER use the home phone for making calls.
Oh! There is so much to vent. I am depressed and I want to talk to somebody. Oh! Why the hell my husband had to be in UK. He is earning, I am earning and still I can’t have a say in a small matter in this house. If I say something, that will be construed as rude and not suitable for a daughter in law.
I am a 32 year old Indian woman who spends most of the time in Europe. I thought that I liked to travel, but now I am not so sure. I have been to Switzerland, France, England, Scotland and Spain. I have a little daughter whom I dot on (all mothers do, nothing new). I fear that my overbearing attitude is turning her into a timid and fearful person. I am a recluse and don’t like to interact with people. Internet is my hiding place. I am most comfortable and at ease when I am writing in my blogs. One day I want to quit my job and turn to full time blogging (oh! The ultimate dream of all introverts).
